


I Fall Too Fast And Crash Too Hard

by ImpulsivelyBlue



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Hogwarts, Post Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 11:26:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2227305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpulsivelyBlue/pseuds/ImpulsivelyBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The future is only days, hours, minutes, seconds ahead, hidden in uncertainty and unpredictability, it was hard for Harry to look past living so long to try and pick himself up and have a life but not have to fight for his, to plan for a career rather than a battle, to worry about simple things in life rather than if the next time he saw his friends they were alive or not, weather he would be alive for there to be a next time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Fall Too Fast And Crash Too Hard

\---

The future doesn't just scare Harry, it terrifies him.

It's just the thought of it, something new and unpredictable. Anything could and would happen as the fates wanted it to in the future and that scared him. No matter what he did, the world had a way of surprising even the most experienced of people, pulling others closer or further away, closer and further from death and safety and family. 

After months and years of living in the past and trying to piece himself together enough to stop the way he struggled to stay up right and alive in the deep and unpredictable sea of the present. It was so difficult to not just let himself be pulled under and lost in the darkness, he'd spent so long trying to understand who and what he's become after everything he'd been through, after everything he survived from the Dursleys at Privet Drive, through his misadventures at Hogwarts and then the battle and victory of a draining and violent war. 

The future is only days, hours, minutes, seconds ahead, hidden in uncertainty and unpredictability, it was hard for Harry to look past living so long to try and pick himself up and have a life but not have to fight for his, to plan for a career rather than a battle, to worry about simple things in life rather than if the next time he saw his friends they were alive or not, weather he would be alive for there to be a next time. 

Everything now seemed like it had when he was eleven and discovering magic, new and terrifying. It was an uncomfortable feeling as he tried to adjust to living, but he didn't know what to do with himself, he had never really understood what it was to live so freely and happily, he could understand why people would want to live in such a way but he couldn't seem to pull that understanding through to his action and allow himself such a pure and undoubtably fleeting feeling. 

The only thing Harry could think of was hiding and protecting or fighting. He can only think of dying and can only see the nightmare of the past as he closes his eyes. When the nightmares come, gleefully leaving the depths of his mind to peal themselves away from the shadows they had gathered themselves in all Harry can see in them is what he had, who he had, he can only see the past and even as he pulls himself from his restless sleep he cant help but be hopeful that the nightmares will come again, to show him what he had, just so he can remember them and then. 

It was difficult to keep looking forward, to the future, to look in to the unknown and trust it to carry you forward. Its difficult to live but know that there were so many he had lost that didn't have the chance to live like he had, no matter how many times he wished that they were the ones who were alive, just so he could lose himself in the depths of his mind and not resurface. 

For Harry, losing himself would be freedom, but it was a freedom he couldn't afford, it was a risk he was unwilling to take no matter how appealing it seemed. 

\---


End file.
